In a way, it's surprising brides don't encounter more wedding cake disasters as they approach the happiest day of their lives. Why? Because, while we might buy bagels every weekend, ponying up for a three or four-tier cake worth hundreds of dollars is a foreign experience to most of us.
At the same time, thanks to the boom in wedding publishing and the Internet, most of us have probably poured over the most beautiful cakes this planet has ever seen. Dozens, if not hundreds of them. We've been exposed to the glorious cakey centerfolds of Martha and Instyle and Brides -- confections assembled by teams and a master patissiere.
And whether or not we verbalize it, we instinctively know that the cake is going to be a focal point at the wedding. What's more, the fashionable modern bride is supposed to be all sleek and stripped-down, like a single calla lily, but the cake can be wild, crazy and over-the-top. We want that crazy cake. That cake is a fairytale all by itself. So what's the problem?
The problem lies in this: some brides don't realize that only a high-end baker with a price tag to match can make that Martha cake.
Oh sure, exceptions exist. You might turn up a part-time culinary genious who truly has the skills to recreate your cover-girl cake with handpainted china patterns, lustre-dusted pearls and a gilded fondant bow for $175. If so, congrats -- you just stumbled onto the world's biggest bargain.
But more likely, you've stumbled onto the bane of many a bride ... having your heart set on a cake that's "too big" for your budget and your baker.
Sure, the local "Rock Bottom Grocery" should know they're not up to that photo you brought them. But you know what? You also should have known that they couldn't deliver a three-tier, magazine-ready work of art for just a hundred and change.
The bottom line? If you want an artisan cake, choose an artisan baker. Pour over their portfolio. Ensure that they've done cakes, and done them recently, that involve a similar level of skill, complexity and difficulty to your dream cake. Ensure that there are a lot of examples in their portfolio, and that the baker you'll be working with actually made them. Expect to pay commensurately for their skill, time and equipment.
That's not to say you can't put "value" and "wedding cake" in the same sentence. For example, Publix consistently draws raves for their simple attractiveness, taste and low cost, leading to scores of happy brides.
But if your aunt knows a friend-of-a-friend who can supply your cake for $100, you're best off keeping it simple. Really simple.
Don't try to get something for (almost) nothing. Chances of it backfiring are as good as the chance of your fiance's uncle's wedding toast going on too long ... very, very good.
And while we're talking value? Keep in mind that few things are lovelier than a sleek, ultra-simple white frosted cake, gussied up with a few fresh blooms (make sure they're not sprayed).
So follow these simple guidelines, and you're almost sure to count yourself among those savvy brides that sidestepped an all-too-predictable wedding cake disaster. Congratulations, and enjoy your sweetest day!
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